Men Cry In The Dark Too
There is so much written, spoken, shared and displayed as it relates to
women–our hurts, our pains, our frustrations, our losses, our trials and so much more; but, what about the men? What about their hurts, their pains, their frustrations, their losses, their trials, lost dreams, broken promises, failures…..
Growing up, I can remember hearing men say to other men that "real men" don’t cry? I’ve always wondered who came up with this rule for men? "Don’t cry, it makes you look weak". "Don’t cry, it’s what women do". "Don’t cry, there’s no strength in that". "DON’T CRY, YOU’RE A MAN"!
John 11:35 Jesus wept!
The strongest and most powerful man known in the history of men, wept! He didn’t just let tears flow from his eyes and down his cheeks, but he wept, sorely at the fate before Him. Why are our men not given this same liberty? We believe that they can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, sacrifice down to their last penny, go without so their families can have it all, and put up with abuse, rejection, and degradation behind the doors of the place they desire to call home and not complain about it. Not become frustrated. Not want to throw in the towel. Not want to give up and definitely not…cry…in the dark about it!
Men do cry in the dark and they cry for various reasons. They cry because they’re unappreciated by the people they love the most. On the outside, everyone is smiling and loving in the presence of the world, but it’s behind closed doors where a man desires to feel the most valued. The most needed, wanted and loved. What if he finds no solace there? What if his home….is the home mentioned in Proverbs 25:24
"It is better to live in a corner of a housetop (the outside roof), than in a house shared with a contentious (nagging, mean, angry, unappreciative) woman."
That should be a very sobering thought, especially if we, as women, fit this description. How tragic it would be to go through life with someone and not really know or be concerned with the matters that roam their hearts? To not be concerned with how they’re really doing day in and day out. To not be concerned about whether or not he needs to be held, for the sake of being held. And to not realize that he’s slowly dying on the inside because he’s been neglected for far too long and he actually toils with the idea of checking out. Men Cry in the Dark Too….
Men cry because they’ve watched their dreams fade away. Men cry because they have real fears and don’t know how to express them. Men cry because life is just downright hard sometimes and they don’t always know what to do. Men cry because their hearts are broken and they don’t know how to get healed. Men cry...in the dark...because the darkness has become safer than being this transparent in the light.
I have the honor of knowing some really great men! I’m grateful to God for them and their lives and their ability to share their hearts – openly and unashamedly most of the time. So although I may not be an expert in what I believe I’ve been tasked to share on this topic, I do know that I’ve been privileged to look a little deeper than the surface when it comes to these men and really see them…for them! And not just see, but hear the silent cries of their hearts whether they realize they’re sharing them or not. And for the sake of keeping them completely covered and anonymous, they shall remain nameless. *I give women the same honor and respect so this is only fair.*
Ladies, our men need us. They want us. They desire us to be the help-meet, friend, and solace that we agreed to be in the beginning. In the Beginning…
Genesis 2:18; 23 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to Him.” And the man (Adam) said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man”.
Meditating on this scripture alone gives us great insight of God’s design and why it was necessary for man to have woman:
1. He had a partner. A companion, some help and a level of intimacy to go with it. That is MAJOR for men, ladies. If you are not being a partner, providing friendship, providing an answer, and meeting his emotional and physical (in the confines of marriage) needs, then why are you there? Have you become un-useful in your design by your own merit? Be honest with yourself.
2. Provider. Yes, I am speaking children, but not just children. If a man provides a house what he really desires is a home. If the man goes out and makes the dough, he expects bread on the table (at least a few times a week), bills paid on time, a little extra kept in savings for emergencies and yes, for it to be multiplied.
3. Solace. This is a big one for men, earlier I used the word solace. Solace means, "comfort or consolation in a time of distress and sadness". Yes ladies, men get distressed and feel sad. The world constantly bruises and beats them down, if not physically, then definitely mentally and emotionally and the last thing a man wants to do is come home from fighting that kind of war all day to another war-zone called home. That is the last thing he wants to do. Make sure his haven is truly safe and peaceful as much as you can.
I believe that, in a healthy mind/heart, by design women are capable of speaking to and bringing out the King in any man. It’s a power we’ve been given by The King, but so many of us misuse and abuse it simply because we ignore the fact that men can be just as bruised, broken and shattered on the inside as life has made us to be. Let’s stop ignoring these very real facts. Let’s deal head on with these realities before us. Let us hold up the mirror and ask the person staring back at us, "What can I do to help and heal this broken vessel?"
Men, I see you. I hear you. I support you. In this work that I believe I’m called to do, no one gets left out. And although this is a platform to bridge the gap between and amongst women, this topic not only lets us know and see the level of work that needs to be done, but also that we have a responsibility in keeping one another accountable to see that the work is being done. We cannot promise you over-night change in every area mentioned here, but we can promise you that we won’t turn a blind eye to a very real, silent, heart-bleeding cry that desires to be noticed.
Men, you don’t have to cry in the dark alone. Help is here! Let’s talk about it.